


is it gay to kiss the homies better?

by citricaciid



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, half life but the ai is self aware
Genre: M/M, freelatta rights!, genuinely no idea what to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24514606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citricaciid/pseuds/citricaciid
Summary: Tommy patches up Gordon a little after he singlehandedly fought off all the Coomer clones.
Relationships: Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 46
Kudos: 308





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i've not written fanfic in over 3 years but now i'm back because of a half life parody series

Gordon was unbelievably tired, both from the blood loss and the bullshit that he had to endure during all this. His so-called friends had betrayed him, and now he was missing his goddamn right hand, which was kind of essential in his current situation of being trapped in a facility where nearly everything is hostile against you and the best way to defend yourself is with a gun, so when he found Tommy, he was simultaneously overjoyed and scared out of his mind. He knew Tommy was the most stable person on the entire Science Team, but he also knew he was very trusting of the others, and that he was capable of harming Gordon. After finding out that Tommy ran away from the rest of the team, Gordon felt a bit safer. It probably wasn’t the reason, but Gordon hoped that Tommy had separated from the others to find him.

And now we get back to Gordon lying down on the filthy floor of some grimy room in Black Mesa where Tommy had just killed God-knows how many clones of Dr. Coomer, whose blood painted the walls and floor. Thinking about literally anything that had happened in the past few days was overwhelming, and Gordon really was not in the mood to dwell on whatever the hell Dr. Coomer was going on about. He was losing a lot of blood and probably was on Death’s doorstep, but at least he wouldn’t die alone or painfully if he just stayed here with Tommy. Yes, he could just let himself fall asleep and then bleed out and die. Or maybe ask Tommy to just kill him out of mercy. That’d be a much quicker way out-

“Mr. Freeman? Are you okay?” Tommy’s voice interrupted Gordon’s thoughts of death enough to make Gordon open his eyes again. Tommy was standing above Gordon, with an expression of intense concern on his face. “You- You’ve been losing a lot of blood… And mumbling weird things for a while. Can I… Can I try to, uh, clean up the wound? There is a first aid kit here, do you want me to check if there’s anything in it for you?”  
Gordon, who was too tired to really form words at this point, simply nodded as best as he could while lying down on the floor. Tommy nodded back, and then walked off to where the first aid station is. Huh, it was around the stairs. Gordon had completely missed it when he ran off to escape from the clones. He hoped none of the clones had used it. By the way Tommy had talked about it, he probably hadn’t used it either.

The sound of approaching footsteps made Gordon jump a little, even though he knew it was just Tommy. “Bad news, Mr. Freeman!” Oh no. “The first aid station was all empty. But I can try to at least, um, bandage up your arm.” Gordon slowly sat up and leant against the wall. “So, there were still some bandages left in the station?” His voice sounded so weak.  
“Um… No. But I can probably use my lab coat as bandages, right? It’s clean.” Gordon looked at the lab coat, and sure enough, it was pristine. No stains of blood or soda anywhere on it. He was too tired to question how that was, though. Even if he did have questions, he couldn’t have asked even one before Tommy was ripping off a part of the hem of the coat. “Sure. It’s probably better to have at least something covering it.” That was the simple truth. The wound should have been dealt with a lot earlier, but better late than never, right?

Gordon winced the moment that the ripped piece of Tommy’s lab coat touched the massive wound where Gordon’s right hand used to be. He knew it would hurt a fucking lot, but maybe it’d help for things to hurt less in the long run. It’s definitely for the best to at least try to keep all the alien and human blood from going into the wound and causing severe infections. Then again, Gordon did just swim in sewage water, so he’d probably get infected regardless. He just hoped that they would find a first aid kit with some disinfectant in there. Maybe some proper bandages. Maybe a tourniquet. Tommy was asking Gordon if he was doing alright, if the wrapping was on too tight, and Gordon responded the best he could in his state of struggling to stay awake. He actually probably was falling asleep. Or passing out. What even is the difference at this point, being unconscious is the same in this hellhole.

Then he was jolted awake as he felt something on his arm. He opened his eyes to see Tommy’s face lingering above the makeshift-bandage, saying something that Gordon didn’t really process in the moment. “Wuh?”  
“I asked if you’re feeling better, Mr. Freeman!” Tommy said with a smile on his face. Oh man. His smile was. Really nice up close.  
“I- I think so? I felt something on my... stub, I guess? Nothing painful, just… Something. Don’t know what it was, to be honest.” Gordon was surprised at the amount of words he managed to muster out. He thought he was tired. I thought he was tired. What has revitalized him enough to use words to communicate again?  
“Oh, I tried to kiss it better! All kisses have healing properties :)” Tommy said, still smiling, not even a bit awkward or shy about it. Maybe this was something he did often. It was a very nice and polite gesture, and it made Gordon’s heart skip at least a few beats. Gordon tried to assure himself it was just a symptom of his horrible injuries and not a reaction to the kiss. 

“Are you okay? You’re spacing out again.” Tommy was now waving his hand in front of Gordon’s face. “I- we need to find a medical station soon; you’re getting very red! You could have an infection!” He sounded a bit frantic- Shit, did Tommy think Gordon was going to die? That wouldn’t be good for either of them, especially Tommy, who would have to live knowing he watched his friend get his hand cut off in front of him and then die in front of him.  
“I- I’m fine, don’t worry about it-“ Gordon said, but then was cut off by Tommy placing his palm over Gordon’s forehead, presumably to check his temperature, and Gordon, like the touch starved gremlin he is, leans into the touch on instinct. He could probably claim his head felt heavy as a defence if Tommy questioned him.  
“Hmm… You don’t feel that hot… To the touch, I mean!” Tommy quickly sputtered out the last part, and if Gordon wasn’t completely focused on Tommy’s hand covering up most of his face, he might have heard something that Tommy mumbled under his breath. Then the two just stayed like that for a while, Gordon leaning his face against Tommy’s hand, and Tommy holding Gordon’s head up with his hand. And neither of them dared to move, which would make the eventual severing of the touch more awkward than it could have been.  
And when someone eventually moved, there was silence and staring. Not the bad kind of silence and staring, though. The kind of silence and staring where you begin to understand what’s going on. The kind of silence where you lean in and let your lips crash against those of another man, a man who seems to be the only person in this hellhole who cares about you and your safety anymore. The kind of silence that makes you feel like you are the only two people left in the world, with only each other for comfort.

The kind of silence that gets interrupted by the realization that you just imagined that, and that man is sitting in front of you, looking at you with an expression you can’t quite comprehend in the moment. And along with the realization that what you just imagined was just, y’know, imaginary, comes the realization…  
You are gay.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon is tired. I do not know how to write chapter summaries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this all in like one sitting and decided to post it right after i finished it because i have the power to do that

The kind of silence that gets interrupted by the realization that you just imagined that, and that man is sitting in front of you, looking at you with an expression you can’t quite comprehend in the moment. And along with the realization that what you just imagined was just, y’know, imaginary, comes the realization…  
You are gay.  
I mean, it’s not like you weren’t gay before. Well, bi, but you know what I mean. This realization isn’t like the one you had in middle school where everything just clicked, this is like that time in college you realized that one of your friends was… Pretty damn attractive. And fun to be around. And that you wanted to be around them more and more, and maybe smash your faces together. In short, you now have realized you have a crush, and you have no idea what to do with this information.

“Mr. Freeman- Gordon, are you sure you’re okay?” Tommy was sounding increasingly more concerned, and now that Gordon had been snapped back to reality by Tommy slightly shaking his shoulders, he can actually try to decipher the emotion on Tommy’s face. It- Oh no. It is fear. Tommy looks scared, probably because Gordon had been spacing out for the past several moments.  
“I’m okay, Tommy, just got… Lost in my thoughts for a moment.” While that statement is true, Gordon was also lost in Tommy’s eyes just now. God, he wanted to make sure that his eyes would never look that upset again.  
“If you say so. But you really are in bad shape! You should rest, maybe take a nap? Well…” Tommy stood up and looked around the room, which was covered in blood and the entrails of Coomer’s clones. “Probably not here, but somewhere a bit less…”  
“Full of clone parts?”  
“Y-Yeah. Can you stand, so we can walk to a better… Resting spot?”

Gordon then did his best to stand back up without his vision going blurrier than the world was when he wasn’t wearing his glasses, but because he was an idiot, he stood up too fast and started to fall over. Luckily, he was falling forward, which meant Tommy could easily catch him in his arms. Tommy caught Gordon, then started going on about how they should just stay here for a while, and that he could try to clean up a bit, but Gordon was focused on the feeling of being held. Tommy eventually realized Gordon was spacing out again, and this time he didn’t bother to try and talk to him. Instead, Tommy tightened his grip around Gordon, who then squeezed back in response. Both of them really needed a hug right now, and if all it took to get one was to make sure Gordon did not plant his face on the ground below, Tommy would catch him every time.

“Alright, I think you should just. Sit back down, Gor- Mr. Freeman. Unless you want me to carry you around Black Mesa until we find a place where you can sleep!” Gordon perked up at that idea. It took him a lot of effort to not start daydreaming again and to respond to Tommy’s suggestion.  
“What about all the weird puzzles? And what if you have to shoot at something?”  
“… You’re right, that’d be pretty hard with me carrying you around. Let’s just stay here for a bit then. Take a nap and then try my idea later!” Tommy sounded serious about that offer, and that made Gordon start wondering if he had actually fallen asleep ages ago and if this was just a dream. He had wished for everything at Black Mesa to have been a dream, but now… Now he wanted it to be real. Even if he did lose a hand. Those can be replaced, right?  
Gordon finally loosened his grip around Tommy’s shoulders and sat back down on the floor. Tommy then sat down right next to him and leaned against the wall. Gordon looked at Tommy, and he could see that he looked less worried now. It was really sweet of him to worry about Gordon, at least that’s what Gordon thought. 

After sitting on the floor in complete silence was declared “fucking boring”, Tommy asked if he could talk to Gordon about Beyblades, and Gordon agreed. He usually didn’t really care for stuff like that, but he wanted to listen to Tommy’s voice. After a while of Tommy explaining a bunch of lore Gordon barely registered in his mind, he started to feel a bit sleepy. He was already tired, yes, but now he felt like he could sleep and not be at risk of “death by monster” in his sleep. And as tired people do, he leant against Tommy, who only stopped talking for a brief moment, then continued onwards like nothing had happened. Gordon would have loved to see the smile on Tommy’s face right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone whos kudosed, commented, bookmarked, or even just read this fic so far!!!! my confidence is through the roof and the next chapter will be fun for me to write :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU ALL SO *SO* MUCH FOR OVER 100 KUDOS!!!! I CANT BELIEVE IT, FOR REAL :D  
> i'd like to give a special thank you to my beta readers for deciding if this chapter was gonna have a cliffhanger or not, i hope the result you got is good :)

_And as tired people do, he leant against Tommy, who only stopped talking for a brief moment, then continued onwards like nothing had happened. Gordon would have loved to see the smile on Tommy’s face right now._

Since Gordon is almost asleep already now, it’s time to focus on someone else’s perspective on the current goings-on, and the only someone else we have here is Tommy. To focus on him, first, we have to catch up on what he has been thinking and feeling during the time Gordon was in the spotlight.

Gordon’s assumption and/or wish that Tommy deserted the rest of the Science Team to go find him? That was correct! After seeing what happened to Gordon, what happened to him because of Bubby and Benrey and their plan to get rid of Gordon. Bubby was hysterical after what happened. In a complete panic. “I just didn’t want the military to be able to track us anymore!”, Bubby was saying while he was surprisingly enough almost tearing up. Benrey’s reasons for orchestrating the plan… Despite Tommy being his best friend, he had no idea why he would do that. Tommy thought that Benrey liked Gordon. It was pretty clear to everyone around, including Gordon, who did not reciprocate the feelings. And while Benrey may be Tommy’s best friend, Tommy was a bit relieved that Gordon didn’t feel the same. That means he still had a chance, right?

Back to the present moment, where we have Gordon almost asleep against Tommy, who could feel his arm go slightly numb from the pressure. Not that he minded that much, but it could be an issue later on. So, Tommy decided to do the smartest thing he could in the moment! But first, he looks down at Gordon. Oh, he had already fallen asleep. The exhaustion had caught up to the poor guy, and it could still be seen on his face, even as he slept. Tommy knew that Gordon was a heavy sleeper, so this would be easy. He just had to shift around a little, and- There we go. Now Gordon is in a more horizontal position, with his head resting on Tommy’s lap. Tommy was almost sure he could see Gordon smile while he laid there, but it was definitely because of him dreaming already. Tommy wonders what he could be dreaming about. Probably something that isn’t bad and stress inducing, based on how calm he was. Tommy hoped that Gordon was dreaming of him.

And everything was nice and peaceful for a while, but not a very long one. Since it was so quiet out there, Tommy could hear a lot of things. Such as the distinct sound of Dr. Coomer… Wait, was he in pain? It couldn’t have been one of the clones, Tommy had done the math and had confirmedly killed all 300 of them so this was the real deal for sure. And he was hurting. But Tommy couldn’t just leave Gordon here! What if this was a trap? But… Coomer wasn’t involved in the plot. He was still friendly, right?

And so, Tommy decided to call out for him, and the sounds stopped. Yep, he was there.

“Ah, hello, Tommy! Can I talk to you and Gordon for a moment?” Despite the yelps and grunts of pain every other word, Coomer sounded like his chipper self.

“Oh, s-sure! But you have to come over here, Gordon’s sleeping, and I don’t want to wake him up :( “

“I see!” Coomer whispered, which Tommy still managed to hear, which meant he was probably up the stairs right now. Seeing the old man walk down the stairs confirmed this.

The doctor then sits down in front of Tommy and Gordon, then starts looking at Gordon intently. Tommy can see Coomer's expression shift from concern to calm back to concern several times, before finally he looks up at Tommy.

"I see you've done your best to help him with the empty first-aid station over there. I apologize about that. Some of my clones thought it was a good idea to use it while you mercilessly slaughtered them." Coomer said, as if he was telling Tommy about the weather rather than whatever the hell "clone-slaughter" qualifies as. If this was Gordon that Coomer was talking to, that statement would have been questioned with a wheeze or two thrown in. But Tommy, who was familiar with this kind of weirdness, just made a sad face.

"No worries, Tommy! It did not hurt me in the least! In fact, I am now three-hundred times more powerful!!" And Tommy would have calmed down, were it not for the short but pained scream the old man let out afterwards. Before Tommy could even start saying anything else, Coomer the Chatterbox began to speak again.

"Oh, the reason I am screaming is because Gordon is asleep. You see, every time he goes to sleep, I can feel my entire body being ripped apart, atom by atom!" The fact he said this as calmly as he would order a burger at Generic Burgerjoint(tm) is genuinely terrifying, terrifying enough to make Tommy want to wake Gordon up right now to help him deal with this situation.

"Th- That sounds really bad, Mr. Coomer! Do I need to wake him up?"

"I can deal with this just fine, Tommy! I just thought you'd need to know what is actually hurting me right now." Coomer really is strong, managing to keep this calm despite his claims of being in excruciating pain.

And after a moment of awkward silence, Tommy clears his throat.

"So, you wanted to talk to me and Gordon about something?" Coomer nods.

"I wanted to apologize about the way my clones acted. It was extremely rude of them to try and climb inside of Gordon's wound and wear him like a puppet. Your makeshift bandage will help prevent that from happening in case that happens again!" Tommy was at a loss for words at this point. He was just staring at Coomer's face and blinking. What the actual hell was going on when he tried to make sure Gordon didn't get killed?

"I- I don't think it's my apology to accept, but if you want to wait for Gordon to wake up, you can tell him yourself!" Tommy suggested.

"Oh, I can't stay here for long. It's best I talk to Gordon when he has been awake for longer, so he doesn't freak the fuck out!" Tommy thought about Coomer's words and agreed, it wouldn't be good for Gordon's wellbeing if he woke up and saw Doctor Coomer right away. He could get hurt!

"I- I guess you're right, Mr. Coomer. But if you're leaving, where are you heading?" 

"To the Lambda Lab, of course! But, I might wait at the Cybernetics Department, since I believe Gordon will need a trip there. You do know where it is, right?" Tommy nodded in response. "Yeah! I tried to drink from the cylinders in there, but- Apparently they were batteries, and not soda :( " This statement made Coomer look at Tommy weird, so the two are even on creeping each other out. Coomer then stood up and started walking off.

"Well, I'll leave you two lovebirds here for now! See you at the cybernetics department!!" He said cheerily as he disappeared up the stairs.

Tommy didn't even have the time to say anything in response to the comment about "lovebirds". Tommy was just letting Gordon use him as a pillow so he could sleep comfortably, that’s it! Well, that was it earlier. Tommy then looked down to catch his hands tangled in Gordons hair. How long had he been doing that? But Gordon looked peaceful, and his chest was rising and falling in a calm rhythm, so maybe it was okay? He could stop if he noticed Gordon was about to wake up. But maybe Tommy didn’t want to. Maybe he wanted to relax with Gordon here, just the two of them. Maybe he could doze off himself, since there seemingly were no monsters here.

And maybe when Gordon wakes up, they could just stay here for a while. Talk to each other, hold each other’s hands, hold each other, lean their faces close together while holding each other-

_Fuck._

Tommy then withdrew his hands from Gordon’s hair, which made him groan in his sleep, and tried to figure out where the hell to put them now. Gordon had a child! A CHILD! How had he forgotten about that until now??? Gordon was probably married, and even if he was divorced, which Tommy was now kind of hoping he was, he could not be into men! Or not into him, specifically. Tommy did not want to think about that scenario.

And now the once comfortably warm room felt cold and lonely, despite the man sleeping on Tommy. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this is a bit shorter than usual i was struck by a bolt of inspiration lightning and wrote this all in one sitting. all my betas went wild for this one so watch out

_ And now the once comfortably warm room felt cold and lonely, despite the man sleeping on Tommy.  _

Gordon was still sleeping somewhat peacefully. For some reason, he’s grumbling and making other sounds adjacent to discomfort in his sleep, but he’s still okay, don’t worry. He’s not even having any bad dreams! But it would be rude to intrude on that, so we will leave Gordon alone in his dreams. Now, back to Tommy. Poor conflicted Tommy. He knows he’s probably overthinking things, but... What if he isn’t? God, he could go for a soda right now, but he does not want to leave Gordon alone here. What if he woke up and Tommy wasn’t there? He would probably be terrified! If Tommy were to leave to get a soda, even if he was overthinking everything, and Gordon was possibly single and interested, scaring him like that would make him hate Tommy, right? Gordon has gotten mad about less, and Tommy does not want to know what he would think of him, so he will stay here. Besides, it was nice having Gordon sleeping on him- Oh no.

Tommy had intentionally moved Gordon into this position. What if when he woke up, he would be freaked out? Well, Tommy could probably tell Gordon he just... Slid into place. Or maybe he could tell the truth and say he thought it’d be more comfortable for Gordon to sleep on top of him rather than leaning against him. Tommy was getting more stressed and fidgety by the second. He wished Coomer hadn’t left so soon, because maybe then he’d have a distraction. Or maybe Coomer would have asked more questions, and that would have made things worse. And all this overthinking was making him overwhelmed.

_ Thunk. _

__

**_Thunk._ **

****

****

**_THUNK._ **

****

“OW!” Tommy was hurting. He had managed to hit himself in the head with nearly full force, as he sometimes did when things got too much for him. He had managed to keep the tics under control throughout most of the adventure, but apparently the exhaustion was catching up to him, physically and mentally.

“Tommy, are you okay?” Tommy looked down to see Gordon, who had just woken up and was now adjusting his glasses. “I heard yelling.” Gordon still sounded sleepy, which made Tommy feel bad about waking him up, even if it was by accident.

“I’m fine, Mr. Fr- Gordon. I just, uh... Hit my head by accident.”

“Oh.” Gordon started shuffling around then sat up in front of Tommy. “Where did you hit it? Does it hurt?” Gordon asked, obviously concerned. Tommy nodded, and then pointed at his own forehead’s right side. “It does hurt, but only a little! And if you’re worried about a con- “

That train of thought was interrupted by Gordon kissing Tommy softly, right where Tommy had pointed. “Do you feel any better?” Gordon asked. Tommy nodded. He felt  _ much _ better.

“I guess you were right; kisses do have healing properties! Probably not the most powerful ones, considering my arm, but they still exist! Holy shit, they really do have everything here at Black Mesa.” Tommy just looked at Gordon’s smiling face and nodded. “I guess so, Gordon.” Tommy was still trying to process the fact he just was kissed. It’s not like he hadn’t been kissed on the forehead before, especially considering the circumstances. This isn’t the first time someone had kissed him better after he had hurt himself with his tics, but it was the first time that Gordon had done it. Tommy hoped it wouldn’t be the last.

And it was silent again, but it was a comforting silence. The kind of silence where you take hold of the hand of the man who just kissed you. The kind of silence where the two of you gaze into each other’s eyes. The kind of silence where you both begin to lean in as you close your eyes.

The kind of silence that gets interrupted only when you have to break away for air, but it continues as soon as both of your lungs are filled with enough air to keep going.

(Did you think I'd pull the same trick twice? That'd be cruel, especially to Tommy and Gordon.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit: originally there was a chapter after this one but this felt like a good enough conclusion for this one!! there will be some bonus chapters relating to this fic posted someday!!! i hope you enjoyed reading this as much as i did writing it! 
> 
> anyways fun fact ! tommy's kisses actually do have healing powers and... after gordon woke up, his now have that power too. but it only works on tommy. gordon can also vaguely recall hearing the words "rise and shine, gayass" right before he woke up, but he's not sure what that was about

**Author's Note:**

> CREDITS TO HyperfixatedFox here on AO3 FOR SUGGESTING THE TITLE I WAS GENUINELY STUMPED FOR A MOMENT <3 ALSO THANK YOU TO THE PEOPLE IN THE BLACK MESA WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE DISCORD FOR BASICALLY BETAING THIS FOR ME. FREELATTA RIGHTS!!


End file.
